if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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