No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
