no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My liver just had a heart attack.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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