It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
