If i come over, it means nothing
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
