This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
