Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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