Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
