I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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