Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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