Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
