Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
