My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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