I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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