found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
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The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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