too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
