Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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