my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
