you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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