They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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