How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
