I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
