there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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