Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
