He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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