you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
