I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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