so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
