put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
