She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
