Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
