It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
