i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
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I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
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Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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