Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
