Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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