she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
