No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
