Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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