Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
