I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy