Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
