He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n