a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.