marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.