hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
