winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
