I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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