please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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