whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
