you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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