I wish my penis had an off switch
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
