I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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