i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
