does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
