There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
