I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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