How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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