I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
