I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
