its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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