your room smells of hookers.
And success
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
