im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
