Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
