When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
