She is in my trunk
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
