you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
