I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
