It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
