I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she pinky promised me she was 18
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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