I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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