Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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