that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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