Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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