like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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