I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
