She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
