Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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