I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
